The Non-Endings That Hurt

Losing a lover.

Most of us have been there. Affair partners come and go. Sometimes, it lasts a few weeks or months, and sometimes, if you’re lucky, a year or two.

But the non-endings are the worst.

“Having done this multiple times, I’m used to the revolving door. A least I think I am,” wrote one guy on r/adultery.

He explained:

“My latest loss has me reeling, though. We’d been seeing each other just about a year. She was the second-best sex partner I’ve ever had, but it’s a fine hair that separated her from the #1 spot. She was very cute and energetic with a great smile.”

“She would give me these looks during sex that told me exactly what she wanted. It was incredible, and even now, just remembering any of them makes my heart skip a beat or two. She didn’t hesitate to call me her best lover, and I gladly returned the compliment.”

“We’d established early on that we were strictly casual. She was busy with her career. I was the stress relief. But, aside from the fabulous sex, we got along wonderfully, which for me is rare.”

What do you think is going to happen next, dear reader?

A. One person wanted more than the other.

B. One pushed the other away.

It’s not too hard to figure out.

“A few months ago, she got busy at work. Really busy. Had no time for anything. I gave her options for meetings that would require little to no effort on her part. She simply repeated, ‘I’m so busy, but hopefully in a few months, it’ll clear up.’”

I’ve written plenty about the “too busy” excuse wheeled out and served cold.

He gave her THREE months.

“She tells me about hanging out at home or meeting up with friends….while she genuinely is busy, I get hints that she does have time. Just not for me. I’ve done this long enough to see the signs. It’s the beginning of the end. First, the invitations get turned down and second, eventually it will stop.”

Finally, he gets it.

One of the worst things about this ending is the ambiguity.

You’ll never get a reason why.
No closure.

What happened?
Was it something you did or said?
Did they get bored?
Was the sex not as good as you thought?

Things seemed to be going well, and POOF! It’s a sudden and inexplicable “nothing.” You’re in limbo. You have hope in the back of your mind. There must be a logical explanation.

“Maybe she doesn’t see my messages.”
“Maybe if I give her more time.”
“Maybe if I don’t pressure her.”

The maybe’s don’t add up.

What you need are seven words. “Sorry, but had a change of heart.”

Outright rejection might hurt less than a non-ending one.

The non-ending is the worst. It’s cruel in ways that make you question everything.