He Said He Wanted You Then Pulled Away? Here’s Why… [Video]

Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)

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why do men ghost
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says Kelly I had a whirlwind romantic
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weekend with a guy where he did
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basically everything but tell me he
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loved me and he insisted that we date
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exclusively I’ve barely heard from him
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since I didn’t come on strong at all and
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in fact I told him we should probably
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take things slowly but now he’s the one
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who disappeared what happened here let’s
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deal with the best case and the worst
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case scenario of who this human being is
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and why they came on so strong only to
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disappear and then I’m going to give you
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the three honest reasons why people
0:43
ghost the best case scenario is that
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this was a person who got carried away
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with his feelings happens to the best of
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us doesn’t it sometimes we get carried
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away we sort of trip over our feelings
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in real time as we’re experiencing them
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and if we’re not disciplined about what
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we say we could end up saying some
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pretty crazy things have you ever been
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so attracted to someone or so into
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someone that if you let your mouth just
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run wild with the things that your brain
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wanted to say you’d sound like a crazy
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person well some people lack the impulse
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control to stop themselves from saying
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those things and so they’re on a weekend
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with you they’re having a great time
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they have that flood of chemicals that
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makes them feel like I love this person
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and then they actually say those things
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they say the things that the rest of us
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think are probably wait a week and see
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if I still feel that in any case it
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would be irresponsible to say that right
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now in any case it would seem mad if I
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said that to this person right now and I
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don’t want to seem that way some people
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lack that restraint
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and so they just say those things now if
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we aren’t the kind of person who moves
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that fast even if internally we can get
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carried away externally we don’t show
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that it can feel like a very rushed pace
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and it can feel I mean sometimes it
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feels really good doesn’t it it can feel
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really good when someone really wants
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you and when someone is giving you this
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unbelievable amount of energy and
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attention and is zoned in on you it can
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be very easy to get swept up in it
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that’s why I actually want to commend
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Kelly in saying to him and being brave
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enough to say I think we should slow
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things down that takes guts that takes
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courage that takes character to do that
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nonetheless some people want to have
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that frenzied experience and it doesn’t
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necessarily come from a bad or malicious
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place it’s just something that they’re
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feeling and they’re going with it the
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problem is they can’t back it up because
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when they’re away from you and their
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emotions settle down there’s a very good
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chance that that person goes what have I
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done why did I say all of those things I
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can’t back that up I don’t know if I’m
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actually ready to be in a relationship
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with this person that I’ve just spent a
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weekend with now he freaks out and he
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starts backtracking that is one possible
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explanation we could kind of I suppose
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just Define that simply as impulsive the
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worst possible explanation is that he’s
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just a love bomber this doesn’t come
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from a good place either bad intention
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or simply really truly uh selfishness
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around it that makes him say I don’t
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care what happens to you in all of this
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I am just going to Dazzle you and make
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you fall in love with me over the course
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of this weekend and say whatever I need
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to say to get that absolute just of your
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attention do you know like in Monsters
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Inc where they have to like in the
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beginning of the movie they they have to
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make the kids scream and cry and that’s
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what fills up the energy tank that’s
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what they power their electricity on the
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love bomber is like that it’s like the
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monster that comes out of the closet in
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the middle of the night but to make you
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feel as much love as possible because
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that’s how they fill up their energy
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tank and then they get back in the
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wardrobe and disappear here that’s the
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love bomber that person is a real deep
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deep selfishness to it a real sort of
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almost a solipsistic nature to it that I
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am all that matters my feelings are all
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that matter and I want to feel really
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really intense and have the best weekend
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ever I don’t care what happens to you
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after this it’s about what I want to
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experience now the really Insidious
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thing about that is how it leaves you
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feeling at the end of it there’s a
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beautiful Oscar Wilde quote Wilde was
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writing to his past lover Bocce while in
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jail and Bocce had treated him so badly
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so poorly used him for his own ends used
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him for his own uh status and frivolity
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but never really as soon as wild was in
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jail Bosie didn’t care anymore was just
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out of the picture and there’s this
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beautiful line that wild uses when
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writing this scornful letter to bosi he
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says the thing that you have personally
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long ago forgotten or can easily forget
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is happening to me now and will happen
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to me again tomorrow doesn’t that just
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describe the effect that someone like
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that can have on us
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someone who can so easily come in do
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this damage to us and then leave and
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carry on with their life as if nothing
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happened but we will be experiencing it
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today and tomorrow and the next day so
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why is it that this person even if in
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the best case scenario they just got
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carried away with themselves because
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they’re impulsive would just ghost or
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Fade Out in such a dramatic fashion with
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no real explanation a complete kind of
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Jekyll and Hyde scenario two
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personalities one where last weekend you
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wanted to be with me and be together and
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be in a relationship and then the next
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week where I barely hear from you I
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believe there are three primary reasons
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why people do this number one they want
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to avoid a difficult conversation having
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the conversation with you where they say
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hey I got really carried away I didn’t
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mean those things I said and I know
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that’s hurtful to you and I’m sorry I
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just I got too carried away and I need
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to be honest with you because I don’t
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want you to truly think that that was an
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indication that I want us to be together
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or hey I got carried away I went too
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fast I’d like to slow things down but I
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do like you and I want to keep seeing
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where this is going I apologize for
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letting my emotions get the better of me
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over the weekend someone doesn’t say
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that because either way it’s a difficult
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conversation and it might hurt you and
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no one wants to be in that position of
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having a difficult conversation the
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second reason is it makes him look bad
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no one wants to have a conversation that
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makes them look like they’re Reckless
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look like they’re selfish look like
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they’re impulsive no one wants to do
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that especially by the way people who
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have that narcissistic streak they’re
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not going to have a conversation with
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you where they have to admit fault and
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risk being criticized in the process the
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third reason people do it is because
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they want to keep the door open now you
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may say how on Earth does ghosting me
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keep the door open a lot of people who
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ghost other people have actually learned
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that if they ghost someone there’s a
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kind of gaslighting that goes on there
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right last weekend I made you feel like
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this love was something special that we
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were going somewhere that we had
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something and then I Disappeared with no
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explanation and I’m almost relying on
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the next time I reach out to you you not
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actually having the guts to say anything
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about that you being passive you
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ignoring it you being so happy to hear
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from me again because now that
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represents hope that you brush it under
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the carpet and I get to say hey you want
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to do something tonight and you say yeah
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that sounds really nice and now we go
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out the elephant in the room is you
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thinking what the hell but he’s relying
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on the fact that you’re not actually
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gonna say that and that’s what people do
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all the time they rely on the fact that
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you really deep down more than you want
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to have standards you want them back and
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so in that moment when they reach out to
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you after having disappeared for the
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last two weeks when they say what you up
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to you tonight the warning them back the
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wanting the attention the warning for it
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to go somewhere is going to be the
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primary driver and that’s gonna make you
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say yes I’d like to see you they’re
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relying on that they’re banking on your
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passivity they’re banking on you
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ignoring your standards shunning your
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needs ghosting can actually tick a lot
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of boxes for someone I don’t have to
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have a hard conversation I don’t have to
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have my own problems reflected back at
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me in the way I treat people and there’s
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a good chance that by not having this
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conversation the next time I ask you out
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you’ll say yes because I haven’t
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presented you with any actual
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information I have plausible deniability
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I thought we were good you say anything
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this gives someone a way to keep you
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potentially on tap and withhold closure
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with Kelly in the situation with this
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guy it wasn’t one bad thing that
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happened it was a couple one of the
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things that was bad was him going at
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Breakneck speed on this weekend that he
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couldn’t actually back up saying to her
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on this weekend that he had really
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strong feelings saying to her that he
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wanted the two of them to be together so
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his first bad was going so fast and not
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backing it up but the second thing he
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did wrong
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was having no ownership of that
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no moment where he said hey I just want
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to talk to you about the weekend now if
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you take
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an impulsive nature an impulsive people
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can be very attractive can be very
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exciting but they can also be incredibly
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Reckless if you take an impulsive person
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and you marry that with a lack of
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accountability that becomes a very dark
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pairing because you’ve got someone who’s
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Reckless and doesn’t own the
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consequences of their recklessness
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in Psychology there’s that term the the
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dark Triad that’s narcissism
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machiavellianism and uh psychopathy and
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that makes an incredibly dangerous
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person well in our love lives there are
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people with dark pairings you will if
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you know my other videos and you’ve
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followed me for a long time know that
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one of my ideas one of the things I talk
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about is the idea of unique pairings in
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attraction these are a positive thing
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when you find two different things in a
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person that are both attractive and you
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don’t normally find those two things in
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the same person that person becomes
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uniquely attractive and much more
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Irreplaceable a unique pairing you’re
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sexy but you’re also funny wow that’s a
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unique pairing you’re clever but you’re
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also humble and a good listener and
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curious wow unique pairing really
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attractive unique pairings are good dark
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pairings are like the inverse of that
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philosophy dark pairings is when you
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find two things in a person that are
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both bad but together they make someone
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not just bad but dangerous this person
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is demonstrating a dark pairing and all
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of this hopefully all of this
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information will help you realize that
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this person even if you suddenly start
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getting attention from them again is
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actually a dangerous person to invite
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into your life all of this entitles you
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to be very direct with this person if
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they do reach out again asking for
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something instead of trying to be too
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clever or too Charming or too
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charismatic and how am I gonna send this
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person a message back that’s going to
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get them to try harder that’s not the
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mission here the mission here is to
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communicate to this person this is not
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okay this is not energy that I ever
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allow into my life
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and this is behavior that I find deeply
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unattractive and so if that person ever
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reaches out to you and says hey what are
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you up to you can either ignore it
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completely and if they text again and
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say I you know wanted to see if you were
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around I’d love to catch up you can then
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say hey
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um it was really strange to me that we
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had such an intense connection over the
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weekend but then to barely hear from you
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afterwards and for me the kind of energy
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I want in my life is
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from people who are consistent people
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who are communicative and people who I
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trust to be in my life day to day not in
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my life one day and out the next the
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things you said and how strongly you
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came on only to disappear was deeply
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confusing and had a real impact on my
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trust so I don’t know what else to say
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to you but I wanted to be honest about
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that with you when you say that to
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someone you’re telling them in no
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uncertain terms this is not acceptable
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to me none of this is me saying you
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should try and get a person like this
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back
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this is me saying to you recognize
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dangerous combinations dark pairings
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when you see them now that you have
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the information of why someone might do
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something like this don’t spend a second
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longer analyzing it go live your life
13:18
and direct your energy to people who
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deserve to be taken seriously if
13:24
watching this video has already been a
13:26
bit of a pressure valve for you and you
13:28
want to build on that and get stronger I
13:30
have a free video for you at
13:33
moveonstrong.com that is going to help
13:36
you do that so go check it out now it’s
13:38
free it’s a great video it was taken
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from a private session I did not for the
13:43
public it’s called
13:45
moveonstrong.com I will see you over
13:48
there

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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